I didn't go. Chickened out (definition: to refrain from doing something because of fear or cowardice). I am a wussy (definition: wimp/pussy.) What happened to the independent, not afraid to drive to the farm person I once was? Take a little ice, a little snow, throw in some slippery roads & I wimp out. Who is controlling me now? Is there some alien in my head? When my head was rickishaying around during the accident, when my inner being was all shook up, did some other alien soul come in and take over? If so, is she a big wimp? If that's the case, I'm asking her to leave. Now. Having a discussion in your head, trying to make a decision goes like this in my case...me, "I really want to go, you know." The alien, "But you can't go. You'll end up in an accident. Someone will slide into you & you will feel the fear all over again. Your mind will snap. They'll have to put you in a straight jacket." Me,"Maybe it'll be okay. I'm being silly for being scared. Get out of my head!" The alien, "No, I like it here, being in control of you is fun." And on & on it went. All morning long yesterday. And you know who won. So here I sit. At home by myself. Thinking about going back to counseling again for post traumatic stress disorder.
I'll write something more positive later...when I'm done beating myself up.