Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Writings of a Wimp

I didn't go. Chickened out (definition: to refrain from doing something because of fear or cowardice). I am a wussy (definition: wimp/pussy.) What happened to the independent, not afraid to drive to the farm person I once was? Take a little ice, a little snow, throw in some slippery roads & I wimp out. Who is controlling me now? Is there some alien in my head? When my head was rickishaying around during the accident, when my inner being was all shook up, did some other alien soul come in and take over? If so, is she a big wimp? If that's the case, I'm asking her to leave. Now. Having a discussion in your head, trying to make a decision goes like this in my case...me, "I really want to go, you know." The alien, "But you can't go. You'll end up in an accident. Someone will slide into you & you will feel the fear all over again. Your mind will snap. They'll have to put you in a straight jacket." Me,"Maybe it'll be okay. I'm being silly for being scared. Get out of my head!" The alien, "No, I like it here, being in control of you is fun." And on & on it went. All morning long yesterday. And you know who won. So here I sit. At home by myself. Thinking about going back to counseling again for post traumatic stress disorder.
I'll write something more positive later...when I'm done beating myself up.

8 comments:

PatQ said...

Go easy on yourself. That little voice is called anxiety and it's totally normal. You are were you need to be right now, give yourself some time.

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Well fiddle dee dee... an alien???? WOW... *giggles

DI
The Blue Ridge Gal

(Hey, icy road conditions are scary for even those who have not been in an accident)

angie said...

Aw, don't beat yourself up. Give yourself some more time and take baby steps. Remember the strong person you were and still are. That alien will leave soon enough.

Rabbit Hill Farm said...

Hang in there girl. It'll happen.

Zan Asha said...

I agree with everyone. I was in an accident last year two...nothing major...but it was during all that inclimate weather around Christmas and I've been slow to drive ever since. Luckily, there's mass transportation here...mwahahahaa..

But seriously go easy on yourself--life is short and fragile and just because the world tends to scoff at caution, superficially, doesn't mean you shouldn't listen to the little voice (you know, the alien)!

Barb and Steve said...

Thanks for making me feel better. I know time will help a lot of what's going on. Now if I can just knock off that alien :-)

Happy Days said...

It is not that the Alien got the best of you. Nope. It really isn't. What it was, was your gut simply telling you, that to travel in bad weather would not be a good decision. Period. No Alien. Just plain good sense. Not like me who went and ended up being scared to death for 3 hours. Check out my blog and the writing entitled "Mountain Misery". After reading that, then you will feel much better about your decision, which I personaly think was the ONLY decision. Good Job!!!

Barb and Steve said...

Going to your blog now...Thanks for the kind words.