Thursday, March 19, 2009

Tired Musings on a Bright Sunny Day

Feeling a little tired and a little blue today. Yesterday was the worse as far as far as the tiredness. Am I anxious for spring? Yes. Am I blue because we aren't going to the farm this weekend? Of course. I am grateful to have the work we need to run our business? Oh yea. I just don't like when it gets in the way of the farm trips. Do I feel a little selfish when I say that? Yes. Should I? Probably not. I am not alone though. Steve is feeling the same way.
So yesterday I was extremely tired. It doesn't happen too often. But when I'm tired, I can't think straight or concentrate. Brain fatigue they call it. It's a lot worse since the accident. I think part of the fatigue was from the therapy session on Tuesday. We really did a lot of testing. My brain actually shut down. If you've never experienced that, it's kind of frightening. It just quits working. Period. And it doesn't take that much testing to get to that point. We are doing the tests these next couple weeks because I'm almost finished with therapy. There isn't anything else for them to do. I have reached a plateau. It's not because they or I didn't try our hardest. It's just all I am capable of. They taught me how to study with no distraction (put earplugs in & headphones on & go to a room with no distractions), but they can't teach me how to remember what I've studied. See, my long-term memories are still there, my short-term memory is the problem. Coming up with the right words in conversation is still hard too & other things too numerous (or boring) to mention. So I think the bright side (which there is usually at least one) is that I won't have to travel to the appointments anymore. Okay, there's two. I won't have to pay for the appointments anymore :-). That said, I will be trying to stay positive about all of that & not be blue for too long. That is a good thing about the brain injury...I don't remember things for too long so they can't bother me that much. No dwelling on, well, anything.
So by tomorrow, my mood will have brightened & all will be good here in Illinoisland. And I'll try to get a good night's sleep!


PatQ said...

Time heals a lot of things that therapy can't. Give yourself some time.

Rabbit Hill Farm said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. Pat's right, time heals many things.

Anonymous said...

I understand what you mean about being frazzled about not being able to go to the farm. I feel the same way about going to our Mountain home. If it's been too long I get feeling antsy and a little depressed. I need to feel the peace and quiet and smell the good smells that are there. When ever I get this way I just say to myself at least I am blessed with HAVING a place in the mountains and that sorta helps until I can finally get there. Keep Busy and time will fly by!!...debbie

Barb and Steve said...

Thanks everyone, I'm trying to stay positive.

Libby Buttons said...

O hang in there dear! I suffered a closed head injury at age 19 from a motor vehicle accident. Post traumatic seizures and multiple surgeries over many years. What a life. I already suffered from Attention deficit disorder. I had to relearn pretty much everything about processing data which is still a challenge today. Since those times I went on to become a critical care nurse, single homeowner, single parent and interior decorator. My life is hard from the aspect that processing data that comes easily to others is a big chore for me. Hang on to your self esteem and take it all one day at a time. It will come and you will find you niche. Helping my sweetie on the farm and doing interior decorating are nice things for me because creativity and hard work / survival/ farming skills flow easily for my brain. Its the memory and organizational part of my brain that give me troubles. Find what still comes easily to your brain and build on that while continuing to work on the rusty parts. Learning that my brain injury was not the only thing that defines me but also my ability to care, help, love and bring joy into the world.