On the Home Front

I have been lax at posting lately. Not positive, but I think the therapy is "kicking my butt". I am dreaming non-stop at night and am falling asleep early. I am sound asleep when Steve comes in to kiss me "bye" in the morning. Hope I'm not this way all during the therapy.

Yesterday my sister & I took Mom out to lunch for her 80th birthday. She is in an assisting living home now and doesn't get out as much as she used to. The family also had a Mother's Day/birthday party for her on Sunday at my brother's house. After we dropped her off, we went to TAILS, an animal shelter in DeKalb. I have been thinking about getting Mia a companion to keep her company. It must be so hard to work there. I would want to take them all home! I was just looking and didn't see one that fit the criteria... 1. not to big because Mia is a small cat 2.under a year old because I think Mia would take to that better, maybe be a mother to it. I haven't convinced Steve yet either. That might take a while :-)

It's almost time to get my garden planted in Wisconsin. Last year we planted late due to the cool weather.
This is my "growing" area. The windows are large and face south. The door faces west. Lots of bright sun shines here. It doesn't look like much from this picture but there is more on the floor (at least 12 tomatoes) and three containers of potatoes growing "eyes" and waiting to be planted. In the corner there is a card table with about 25 plants on it. The tomatoes have really shot up in the last week. I'm hoping for good weather this weekend at the farm so I can plant some seeds and the rest of the strawberries that came last week. I am still waiting on three rhubarb plants and then my orders should all be here. I have been debating whether to plant anything this year at our townhouse. Last year it was a few tomatoes and some chard along with mint & basil. I did pick up a basil and a lemon balm plant a couple days ago. My basil seeds are slow going. The hot pepper seedlings are pretty small too so I might have to buy some of those.

I will post again about Lizzie and the baby this weekend when we get to see them. It's hard not being able to just call them and find out how they are doing. Just a few days away...

The Lightening Rod

I'm standing on the weathered, splinter-filled dock. Listening to the sounds of hurried motors traveling across the unsettled water. Thunder in the distance. A warning to all. Get off the lake. The waves, rolling into shore, cleansing the tawny, sandy beach. They have frothy, bubbling tips, sliding in like a surfer catching the big wave. The metallic smell of ozone fills the air as the loons cry for their mates across the lake. Taking flight from a pine tree hanging low over the water, the Great Blue Heron. Long legs trailing behind, making sounds like an old saw cutting through thick wood. His displeasure obvious to all around him. Another roll of deep, undulating thunder. Closer this time. A fishing boat rocks up to the dock, fighting against the steel blue waves. The sky churning up dark gray clouds, filled with anticipation.

The first soft raindrops fall, giving the lake a much needed sip of fresh water. Like teardrops from an angry sky. The lake reacts by forming small circles, opening it's mouth for a refreshing drink.

Fishing poles, tackle box, depth finder and trolling motor. Out of the boat, avoiding the left over remains of a duck's last dinner. The fisherman, still in his boat. Talking of the approaching storm. More boats racing by to get to the safety of shore. Everyone knows that in a storm, a boat in the water is like a potato in a deep fryer. Thunder means lightening.

The look of fear crosses the fisherman's face. "Run!" he says. I look confused, but at the same instant feel a tingling sensation. "Your hair is standing on end!" he cries. He is out of the boat and running with me through the wet grass to the cabin in the woods up the hill. Fishing equipment forgotten as the adrenaline rush of fear moves our bodies, while the crashes of thunder vibrate our eardrums.

In the cabin, safely looking out the window towards the lake. Sheets of rain moving across the lake. Lightening striking the forest beyond.

The storm moves on quickly. Fresh dirt, grass smell, birds beginning to chirp.

I'm standing on the weathered, splinter-filled dock.

My New Best Friend

Well, I may be exaggerating about that :-)

But it is such a great thing to have. My thoughts are very fleeting these days. One second it's there, the next it's gone. So I just pull out the digital voice recorder & wa-la !

The thought is saved until I can write it down. My therapist suggested I get one a few months ago, but I kept forgetting about it :-( .

It is only 1 1/2" x 4" so I can stick it in my pocket. I used it in the garden this weekend to record what kind of strawberry plants were in which rows so I could write it down on my garden plan later. Anyone with a lot on their minds (isn't that all of us) would benefit from one of these. It was about $40 in a Radio Shack store in Wisconsin but maybe you could find one on sale. I bought it the week I stayed at the farm so I could remember all the details of the county & township meetings.

Organized I'm not, but at least now I have two brains as Eli said the other day, so that should help.

Hank's Resort

Thanks so much to everyone for cheering me up yesterday! It really meant a lot to me.

Here is an assignment (story) I wrote for the creative writing class as part of my cognitive therapy. It's about staying at a lakeside resort as a child.

My sister Cathy at Hank's Resort in the 50's

Hank with Cathy in front of the "Liar's Cage" (fish cleaning house)

HANK’S RESORT

“Dad, can I have a nickel for a bottle of pop?” He must have heard that in his sleep like a skip in a record after two weeks vacation with four “sugar-craving” kids. Ah, vacation. The only time of year we got unlimited pop and candy. We looked forward to it from the time we got home the previous year to the time we left again. Hank’s Resort in the Land of Ten Thousand Lakes. The smell of pine trees and sometimes, dead fish. A kid’s paradise not only for us but for other friends and family. We took over the resort. There were four rustic white cabins up the sandy hill from the lake. Yellowed pine siding on all the walls with dark brown knots that were shaped like whatever your imagination could muster. Bedroom walls, shorter than the pitched roof, provided for an aerial circus act of stuffed animals and Barbies, sans the safety net. Speckled green linoleum lined the sand covered floor. Springs stretching across the windows, kept the green and white checked curtains in place as the lake breezes caressed the cabin.
This was the 50's. Before indoor plumbing was installed. We would hurry out to a small outbuilding between the dirt driveway and the swamp behind the cabins. “Don’t go near the swamp” dad warned, that crease appearing between his eyebrows. “That’s quicksand. It’ll pull you in and we’ll never find you.” And so that’s the way it was, most of my childhood, filled with well-meaning but scary warnings. Something I didn’t pass on to the next generation and they are more adventurous than I.
Green wooden boats with “Hank’s” on the bow rocked at the docks, anchors swaying. Our three and a half horse Sears powered it across the lake. Each of us had our own reasons to enjoy the get-a-way. For the dad's, fishing, morning and night was what they enjoyed most.. For the mom's it was relaxing in the chaise lounges looking out over the lake. Our favorite activity of all was swimming, followed by eating candy. If we'd had our way, we would have suffered from the dreaded “lake water pruning” , a wrinkled mass of puckered skin from too much exposure to lake water. As soon as that bright orb in the sky peeked over the tall pine trees, we were begging to go in the water. Swimsuits barely dry from the day before, goosebumps the size of bubble wrap, Coppertone slathered on our skinny bodies and we were ready to swim with the minnows. Red, blue, yellow & green plastic buckets, with shovels and toy boats, all carried down to the water. Mom bringing the over sized beach towels and her Reader's Digest Condensed book. The screaming would start the minute we stepped in the cold lake water but the energy we created warmed us. Playing with boats, throwing wet sand and floating on tire inner tubes took up much of our time. Up and down the red and silver slide, burning our delicate legs, we knew it was getting close to lunchtime. Time to get out of the water and head to the cabin. The smell of crumbs burning in the toaster woke our stomachs to the hunger we'd been ignoring. Smooth, creamy peanut butter spread on toast, a glass of milk and a cookie for dessert.
A bit of knowledge, what every mom knows, “It takes an hour to digest your food.” Another bit of information “you'll get cramps and drown if you don't wait an hour after you eat”. So we have to kill an hour. The longest hour of the day. It's nap time for the youngest and “stay out of Mom's hair” time for us. Dad didn't fish during the hottest part of the day, so we could hit him up for a nickel as he sat by the beach drinking a Hamm's with the other men.
Nickel in hand, we would run to the resort office which was attached to Hank's home. The little bell rang as we entered and Gusta, his wife, would come out to see what we needed. She was a sweet lady, gray hair with braids pinned on top of her head and a voice like a whisper in the wind. She felt like a grandma to me. Affection didn't run in our family so I was drawn like a dryer sheet to rayon when someone showed they cared.
There it was. “Drink Coca-Cola, In Bottles”, the pop machine said. “Ice cold” it enticed. Red with a glass door on the front so you could see the caps. Coca-Cola, Bubble-Up, Hire's Root Beer, Nehi Grape and my favorite, Orange Crush. Gusta stood to one side, always patient as we made our selections.
Decisions made, off we would go, sipping our pop and making train whistle noises when the bottle was empty. Back to the warm,sunlit beach to build sandcastles and wait for the hour to end.
I have relived these moments many times throughout the years as a child myself and again as a parent, taking my children to the same lake. I expect that someday my grandchildren will be swimming in that lake too. “Can I have a dollar for some pop?” they'll ask and the tradition will continue.

Cousin Carol, me, Cathy & friend Nancy

Cousin Ken & friend David

Brother's Bill & Bob in the later years.

Just Feeling Kind of "Blah" Lately

Maybe it's the weather. Rainy & gray. Sunshine always seems to make me feel better. It is supposed to come out tomorrow. We had dinner with our son & his girlfriend last night. It is alway fun to get together with them.

I've been tending the seedlings and before long it will be time to plant. The potatoes arrived yesterday. I have five pounds of Yukon gold, 5 pounds of Yellow Finn and 2 1/2 pounds of Rose Finn fingerlings. They will sit out in a warm spot for a couple weeks and them I will cut them up and let them harden over for planting. We have just finished eating the potaoes from last year so that was a success (besides or in spite of the Colorado potato beetles :-) We'll pick up the hazelnuts & chestnuts on the way up tomorrow and heel them in. We'll plant when we get swales dug.

Next week I start a new therapy. It's called Interactive Metronome Therapy. One of the uses is for adult neuro rehabilitation patients. Two times a week for six weeks. Let's hope this helps the whole left brain/right brain thing.

You may be wondering what has taken place since the funeral of the wife of one of our employees. Let's see...new Ipods, talk of a new car, season tickets to the White Sox. Oh and "now I don't have to hide phone numbers anymore." Just how I thought he would be. The first thing he told Steve when he got back to work was how much he is getting from Social Security for the girls. Not how much he misses his wife. He's not smart enough to lie I guess, for sympathy.

I think I need some happy news. Too many CAFO thoughts lately.
Maybe tell me some jokes?

Tired Musings on a Bright Sunny Day

Feeling a little tired and a little blue today. Yesterday was the worse as far as far as the tiredness. Am I anxious for spring? Yes. Am I blue because we aren't going to the farm this weekend? Of course. I am grateful to have the work we need to run our business? Oh yea. I just don't like when it gets in the way of the farm trips. Do I feel a little selfish when I say that? Yes. Should I? Probably not. I am not alone though. Steve is feeling the same way.
So yesterday I was extremely tired. It doesn't happen too often. But when I'm tired, I can't think straight or concentrate. Brain fatigue they call it. It's a lot worse since the accident. I think part of the fatigue was from the therapy session on Tuesday. We really did a lot of testing. My brain actually shut down. If you've never experienced that, it's kind of frightening. It just quits working. Period. And it doesn't take that much testing to get to that point. We are doing the tests these next couple weeks because I'm almost finished with therapy. There isn't anything else for them to do. I have reached a plateau. It's not because they or I didn't try our hardest. It's just all I am capable of. They taught me how to study with no distraction (put earplugs in & headphones on & go to a room with no distractions), but they can't teach me how to remember what I've studied. See, my long-term memories are still there, my short-term memory is the problem. Coming up with the right words in conversation is still hard too & other things too numerous (or boring) to mention. So I think the bright side (which there is usually at least one) is that I won't have to travel to the appointments anymore. Okay, there's two. I won't have to pay for the appointments anymore :-). That said, I will be trying to stay positive about all of that & not be blue for too long. That is a good thing about the brain injury...I don't remember things for too long so they can't bother me that much. No dwelling on, well, anything.
So by tomorrow, my mood will have brightened & all will be good here in Illinoisland. And I'll try to get a good night's sleep!

Busy Wednesday

I just finished placing an order for rhubarb crowns from Seeds of Change. I ordered three. I think that will be enough for us. I also placed an order from St. Lawrence Nurseries for a number of things. Raspberry bushes: 6 Boyne, which is summer bearing & 6 Autumn Bliss, fall bearing. Ten Sugar Maple trees that are about 2-3 feet tall which will eventually produce sap for syrup. Hopefully we will live a long life so we can tap them :-). I also ordered a couple ornamental-type trees. Ten dogwood trees to use as screens for electrical transformer box & septic covers in the areas around the barn. Two Forsythia to plant for color. Last, Staghorn Sumac which is ornamental, but you can also make a drink from the seed heads similar to lemonade & very high in Vitamin C.

We better be in good shape when spring comes. We have a lot of trees to plant! I'm still hoping for some help like we had last year. A dollar a tree to plant from a permaculture intern on another farm. So we will add these with the 100 Hazelnut bushes & the 10 Chestnut trees already on order...Wow, I don't want to think about it! Really though, I am very excited about planting more trees & bushes. The more self-suffient we can become food-wise, the better.

The next thing on our list is to decide about expanding the garden to twice it's size (see this post for existing garden size) & also planning where to plant everything this year. Overwhelmed is the feeling I get when thinking of planning the garden this year. That's why I keep putting it off. All the seeds are ordered. I just have to have a few hours of completely undistracted time to do this & break it down into small steps. Brain injuries suck! There I said it. I feel better now. I try to keep a positive attitude but sometimes I get a little (sometimes a lot) down about the whole thing.

Some good news having to do with the accident..my chiropractor only wants to see me every 3 weeks now. Yippee! My neck is loosening up more. It's a big deal to me because I am getting very tired of being at the doctor all the time. Now I will just have the brain therapy appointment once a week and the chiropractor every third week. Steve is going to the chiropractor every third week now too. The scar tissue in my hip seems to loosen up after exercising so I will be doing more of that because I'm so tired of having a limp when I'm stiff.

(see below for Chester)

Chester from "Gunsmoke"

For us old people who remember "Gunsmoke". For the younger people, he had a limp.

Cabin Fever Saturday

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

We are at the farm & I have a severe case of cabin fever. All day long I have been looking for things to do outside. It's a beautiful cold day here in Wisconsin. Just finished bringing in more wood for the fire. The sun just set, so that limits doing much more outside. Went out & trimmed trees for most of the afternoon. Took a walk around the farm, looking at the trees we planted last year. About 6 or 7 pines trees didn't make it, but the other 19 look good. They are pinyon's. The kind you get pine nuts from. All the apple, pear & cherry trees look great. No damage from mice that I can see. As I was walking, I was thinking about where to put the 100 hazelnut bushes we will be getting this spring. Tomorrow Steve is going to take a walk around & we can decide then. We are hoping that the permaculturist we buy from has an intern this year to help us plant. An intern planted the fruit trees last year for us. I know this year (due to the accident) I'm not in as good shape as last year. I've lost a lot of muscle tone & I usually end up with neck pain if I do too much. I know I will feel down this spring if I can't be as productive as last year but we'll get it all done somehow!

Right now Steve is working on the foyer walls. I'm typing to the hammering. He took a break earlier when Eli came over to visit. Eli is talking about tapping maple trees with another Amish family. Steve would like to go with him & see how it is done. Yummm. Maple syrup.

I'm really glad this week is over. Monday was the chiropractor, Tuesday the therapist & I've been studying (or trying too :-) Wednesday & Thursday as my "therapy homework" . I still have more to do. I guess Monday after work it'll get finished before seeing her on Tuesday again. I really love studying natural medicine. It feels so good to get back into it. Now if I could just remember more of what I read...

This evening we are going to stay home & sit by the fire. I can't think of a better way to spend the evening.

Studying Again (Yeah!)

Tuesday was my weekly appointment for therapy. Liz (my therapist) decided I should crack the books again as part of my homework for her. I am to read two chapters a night & write an outline of them. Saturday is a day off & Sunday I need to write from memory what I remember about what was read. The book I'm studying now is the Textbook of Natural Medicine, Volume I. This is no small book! About 1400 pages. I had just purchased it right before the accident so I am starting from the beginning. Last night I started the process around 5pm. I'm still not finished writing the outline as of this morning. I have a problem with distraction & we all know that life is full of distractions. Since I also tend to get overwhelmed very easily now, I am thinking maybe one chapter a night might be better. I've left Liz a message & am waiting a call back. She has no idea what book it is I'm dealing with :-)
It does feel good to get back into the swing of things again, though. I just hope I remember what it is I read.

My friend Pat at "Not Now, I'm Counting!!!" just wrote how she is in a rut. I think everyone needs a little spring right now. Go over & visit her & leave a comment if you can. I know it always makes me feel better when I know that someone is reading my blog. Pat is the one who taught me how to knit. She makes beautiful items that she shows on her blog. I only hope someday I'll be able to do half as good of a job as she does!

Even the sight of weeds are beautiful this time of year!

Pump n' Seal & Other Stuff

Yesterday the Pump & Seal came that I ordered.

I've been trying to decide whether to get a seal-a-meal type preserver. The thought of something else on the counter just didn't appeal to me. So after a little research Pump n' Seal won out. We needed something to help us keep stored food longer. I'll be trying it in the next week or so & let you know how well it works. It even comes with a video (which they show on their website) on how to use it.

Went to my first therapy session of the year yesterday. It was frustrating as usual but I am glad to be back into it. Seems as if I am still at the same place I was when I started, but I have hope for a change.

When I got home yesterday afternoon, I turned on the TV expecting to see no cable. Well, we still have some stations & some are gone. Very strange. Thought every station would be gone. We still have the digital box (which I need to return) so some signal is coming through. Maybe I'll wait & see if they miss it! I was kind of looking forward to no TV though. We alway have so much to do but end up some time during the evening watching TV. It seems a waste. It like a vacuum that sucks you in. Sitting there glassy eyed, staring at the screen. Books & making plans for the farm is so much more interesting.

Started some seeds from last years garden last week to see if they are viable and they are popping out now.

These are Dickenson pumkin seeds.

These are garlic seeds from the flowers of the cloves that came up last year.

These are radish seeds.

These are lettuce seeds.

This is a sweet potato I started. Want to try it for the garden this year.

I really need a taste of spring. I'm going to plant all these in starter mix & harvest the leaves of the radish & lettuce plants. I bought some wheat berries at the food coop last week that I'm going to start for wheat grass. If you take a shot of wheatgrass or just chew it, you won't need that cup of coffee in the morning.

I'm dreaming of spring...

The Decision

Since my last rehab appointment at Marionjoy in December I have been trying to make a decision. Should I continue (at a great cost) or keep saving as much as I can for the "economic downturn" so we have some backup in case we get slow at the shop. With both of us working there, it would be a hardship if that happens. I have insurance but have to meet the deductable again, which means that dreaded "out-of-pocket" expense. An easy decision would be to just quit. It is very frustrating to go to these sessions. It magnifies all the things that I have problems with by doing specific exercises to help those areas of brain function. After a brain injury, in your every day routine, you normally do the same things, don't go beyond what you know you can do. Sometimes stretching the brain a little to complete a project or learn something new (which is very hard now). That is a way of protecting yourself. You don't let yourself feel inadequate. It's too big of a downer. I don't like to feel bad. But taking a test to see what your brain isn't doing anymore shows you what is missing.
After an injury, the brain is capable in some instances of retraining itself for about a year. If you are not improving after a year, you probably won't. It has been over six months since the accident. I have six more months to see what I can do. Oh yeah. Age is against me too. Brains over forty are much harder to heal.
Helping people through natural medicine has been a dream of mine for almost six years. I know right now I'm not capable of studying & retaining information. I also know that I may never be able to. But, if I don't try, I will never know. So that is my decision. I'll go back to Marionjoy.